


pyrrhic

by yuuya



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Depression, M/M, Species Dysphoria, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 21:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7656682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuya/pseuds/yuuya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hates it, but it's a kind of winning and, fuck, but these bodies are so awful and limited that it's the best they can manage, isn't it?</p>
<p>(or; Vector doesn't adjust to humanity)</p>
            </blockquote>





	pyrrhic

**Author's Note:**

> this is ventfic for... something? i think? hell if i know

There's nothing _kind_ about it, nothing _loving_. It's hands in hair and teeth in skin, pulling and tearing and hurting and bleeding and really, how does anyone _bear_ it? Even without the blood or the pain it's _disgusting_.

(the blood and the pain are the only parts that make it almost salvageable, even if the blood itself is disgusting)

He hates it, but it's a kind of _winning_ and, fuck, but these bodies are so awful and _limited_ that it's the best they can manage, isn't it?

But it's winning, and that's what counts. He saunters off at the end of it with Alit's brand new red shirt torn and stained redder, and he _won_ , in a way, didn't he? They can't meld their essences together and tear at each other's light when their bodies are like this, and his human shell couldn't take Alit's on in an actual _fight_ , but this is a closer approximation of the light-sharing _anyway_ , as disgusting as it is to try to compare something so _base_ to something of the Barians.

Base as it is, he won. _He won_.

(and if he doesn't really feel like he won anything, it's only because the human bodies are so _rotten_ )

* * *

Alit comes to him, afterwards. When they're human, when it's all _normal_ \- and god, maybe Vector hadn't entirely wanted to die but he'd never wanted _this_ \- and they're going on as though it's just fine and dandy to be trapped _forever_ in these awful meatbags.

"Y'know," Alit says, and Vector leans back in his chair and raises an eyebrow because, _great_ , what's he about to be criticized for _now_? "What we… did together, that time. If you ever wanted to do that again… I wouldn't mind?"

Which. Oh. Well. He hadn't expected _that_.

He leans back in his chair further, tips it up onto two legs and rocks it back and forth while he contemplates.

(shame Mizael's not here; he _hates_ watching Vector do that, and anyway he's pretty sure Mizael's face if he knew what Alit was proposing right now would be _hilarious_ )

"Now?" he asks, and Alit shakes his head.

"No, not… I've gotta meet Yuuma soon, I just… you're hard to catch alone." Because he's usually harassing someone. Alit leaves that part out, and, _aww, cute_ , is he trying to be _polite_ or something? To _Vector_? "But. Yeah. Not _now_ , but… we could do it again, is all. Uh. Tonight, if you wanted?"

And, well, it's still the closest thing they have to light-sharing - and _forever_ , now - so… why the hell not, he figures. Grins at Alit in his best 'just on the edge of menacing' way and leans his chair so far back that Alit makes a little aborted move toward it before he drops forward again.

"It's a _date_ ," he hums out, and then shoos Alit on his way.

(he can't _wait_ for this)

* * *

It's not like the first time. Alit won't take the bait, Alit won't bite back or pull at his hair the same, but he doesn't _stop_ it either and it's--

Well.

He should have known Alit now wouldn't be like he'd been then, shouldn't he? And… anyway. If it's something to _win_ , and Alit wouldn't even _fight back_ , then… that means he won again, doesn't it? Alit's bruised and marked the next day and even on skin as dark as his it shows, and Vector is… Vector is…

(Vector feels empty, but he _won_ )

* * *

It happens again and again after the second time. And every time, Vector fights. Every time, Alit takes it and doesn't fight back.

Every time, Vector is the one who's _won_ and yet-- and yet…

(Vector hates it)

(he hates everything about these bodies and he hates everything about this and)

(he wants it to _stop_ )

* * *

"Hey, Vector?" Alit asks, calm-sounding enough to stop Vector in his tracks where he was in the middle of attacking Alit's neck with teeth and nails.

" _What?_ " he hisses back, disconcertingly breathy. He _hates_ these bodies.

He lets Alit push him back a little, sitting back to let the other eye him.

"You don't really… enjoy this, do you?"

Vector just… blinks, at that. "Was I _supposed_ to?"

And then Alit is blinking, too. Telling him in this slow voice like he thinks Vector can't understand speech that _yes_ , he _is_ supposed to enjoy it. That that's why they're _doing_ it, so they can _both_ enjoy it.

He… doesn't really know what to make of it, to be honest.

"I don't enjoy _anything_ in these bodies," he snaps, suddenly finding himself defensive. Moreso when Alit gets this sad little look in his eyes and mumbles, _yeah, I thought so_ to himself.

Because there's not-- there's no reason for Alit to look like _that_ , there's no reason that he should be remembering that even _Mizael_ has gotten to the point that he has a few things he seems to enjoy about the human world. There's no reason for his _useless, disgusting stomach_ to be twisting uncomfortably.

(he wants to go _home_ )

(Alit holds him through the tears, and by the end he's not sure that he's ever won anything at all)


End file.
